Last Chance

First I lost my life... then I regained my soul... and I didn’t even ask for it! And then one day everything changed... or perhaps only I did. Depending on the amount of his notoriety, a vampire may choose to drain the blood of his victims and finish them off quickly, or condemn them to the same undying fate. There was no blood left in me to drain, but Kain made sure that my fate was twice as condemning. As I fell in the pool of death, I experienced agony that no man or demon could ever have. At brief times it was so much that it almost seemed to have gone away, but before I could dare to take a breath, it all returned again. As I woke I could only think that I had finally reached my end, but I had only arrived at a new beginning, so unholy that it was unheard of. Second chance he arrogantly called it, Elder God he pompously called himself, my questionable benefactor. This was the second time I had received a non-life I never wished to have and was supposed to be thankful for it, as well as blindly obedient, once more... no more! I was a priest, I became a beast, but what was I now? A soul reaver, as I soon found out. Blood was no longer of any interest to me. I now hungered for the souls of all beings - men and monsters. Wandering souls and souls that “waited” to be “freed”. As a vampire I thought my body was grotesque, until I now found myself in a state where only a carcass was given to me to walk the land. Legs to walk towards the souls, eyes to seek and claws to grab them were apparently all the Elder God thought I required. But universal truths never die, and nobody escapes them, not men, not vampires and not elder gods. Here is one of them: we all come full circle! The pawns did, the knights did, the Elder God, Kain, even I did... or so I thought. You see, Kain did eventually pass away, the last Balance Guardian - the last Guardian at all. Without him, without me, without vampires and pillars, the Soul Reaver, the legendary weapon which was my namesake, my doom and my salvation - as well as Kain’s - eventually decayed. Only a rusty remain now, deep underground in Kain’s final resting place, a tomb buried so deep that even the Elder God would have to dig his way in. But even he would not bother with me anymore. His voice which I once thought as an endless nag, I now longed for in the silence of the spectral realm. Yes, released now from the grasp of Kain, the Soul Reaver and the Elder God, I was free... to do what? Trapped in the spectral realm, I had no conduit nor strength to return to the physical world. Here I still am, trapped in the bowels of the earth, an undead phantom, always unable to return to the wheel I always scorned. My name is Raziel, and after millennia of corroding solitude, I now, more than anything, long for neither honor, power nor revenge, but simply to no longer be alone.

Extraordinary...! What was? Nothing was. A mediocre life, a fairly interesting job, and a never-ending hunger for knowledge of modern magic. Technology that is... It would anyway soon surpass the fairytale version of magic we dreamed of as children. I would wake up every morning at 08:30, sit at my desk at 10:00, leave work at 19:00 and go to sleep at 00:00. I wrote articles about anything technology-related, letting people know what was going on, and what they would miss if they didn’t follow me to the brave new world of digits. I am one of those persons who strive to find their own magic, because they never experienced it. My father told me the truth about Santa Claus before I even knew what Santa Claus was. In my mind there was fiction, and there was control. Everything that did not classify as fiction, I could - and should - control, including my life, my words and my emotions. But universal truths never die, and one of them I was to learn too well: everything and everyone changes. No matter how stubborn you are, how bold or afraid, regardless of how much in control you are, you can only hope to survive the unstoppable change. After having set up several levels of metro lines, the capital city was still in need of more stations, as transportation was expanding underground. Nothing revolutionary about it, just another effort of the new government to provide new conduits for the impossible traffic. The lines were long and deep, but the new government also promised full coverage for cellular phones and wireless networks, trying to impress the tech lobbies. As the new tunnel was being dug, inch by inch, I was to take a guided tour and find out more about this new technological infrastructure. As I arrived at the place, people were there... a lot of people that shouldn’t be there. National TV reporters as well, and the project had barely began. It soon started to become clear. Two of the workers had stumbled upon an empty space, and they died instantly from some kind of poisonous gases that were apparently trapped there for hundreds or thousands of years. I didn’t really care to go closer - after all I saw that stuff on TV every day. These were to be the last moments of my life that I spent in normality. After that, things started to go down... literally! At first we thought that small rocks were rolling, but nothing moved above or around us. It turns out that rocks were indeed coming down, but it all happened below us! It started slowly, and soon enough the ground was giving way. As is the case in such situations, mass panic ensued and everyone’s regard for their fellow man’s life went away faster than rain on vertical ice. Seeing that the danger of getting trampled was probably greater than falling underground, I moved around cautiously while everyone stampeded towards the surface. Fate however, did not share my patience, and in the middle of a breath I found myself falling... way down. Normally every bone in my body should be broken, but the ground I landed on was much too soft for me to suffer anything more than a blackout. I cannot tell how much longer I came to senses, and when that happened I had an unbearable headache and could see nothing but pitch black. Stumbling around I came across some sort of carved stone. On top of it I felt some sort of an uneven blade. Right after that, I began saying my farewell to reason.

Everything is different in the spectral realm. Distorted, disorienting, tainted with death. Thus I inevitably mistook the constant rumbling for a howling wind that somehow found - or lost - its way to this infernal isolation of mine. And then suddenly I thought the entire spectral world was coming down, or perhaps it had conspired to toy with my senses and rob me of my sanity as well. Even as the walls came crashing down, my doubts remained, for stillness was the only ongoing event since the death of Kain. As my perception of things was also entirely different in the spectral realm, I did not immediately grasp the full extent of what was going on around me. Then, all of a sudden, a sensation came back to me that I had almost forgotten. I sensed a soul...! Turning back, I saw someone standing right next to Kain’s tomb, his hand on the Soul Reaver’s blade. How surprisingly different was this encounter... The usual protocol between myself and human beings was a brief exchange of insults, followed by a hopeless effort by them to kill me, finished with my devouring their souls. But now, we both just stood speechless, gazing at each other. He looked neither like a peasant, noble, priest or warrior, he was not armed, wore no emblems and did not seem to consider me a threat. My instinctive impulse as a soul reaver would be to feast upon his soul and use his body to see the material realm once again. However, that was no longer possible. My transcendence in and out of the blade had taken its toll, as I was too weakened to force anything to happen against its will. Nevertheless, of all people I was the least known to give up! I approached Kain’s tomb and placed my phantasmal hand on the blade, only to trigger something unexpected. The reaver blasted away its rust and filled with force. I could feel the force of ages, but it was so unlike the reaver’s unforgiving and ravenous spirit. It felt familiar, almost comforting. It was that man’s energy combined with mine. Was that the true nature of the reaver? To bind energies in order to defeat death? Was the first soul that inhabited the blade too corrupted, thus making the reaver merely a neutral instrument and not evil by nature? During this process, I did not get my old strength back, but I felt no longer despaired. I was alert, and I could see the same effect on the man I faced. Beginning to wonder where this would lead, I was not given the time to form a single thought. The reaver blade suddenly silenced and then immediately shattered to countless fragments! One thing remained though... I could still see him and I knew that he could also see me, even if he most obviously saw absolutely nothing else in this darkest corner of the world. Having nothing else left, it was time to speak my first words in a very, very long time.

- Who are you?
I don’t believe in ghosts and I’ve never had illusions. Yet, I’m pretty sure they don’t have the properties of an aspirin, and they certainly do not last this long. The transparent ragged figure with the remotely human characteristics was still there, his identity unknown, his appearance - at least - disturbing, and his intentions unclear. I always thought that if I ever found myself in one of those unnatural situations described by many of the movies on my shelf, I’d act differently than those characters. I’d keep my grip and resolve the situation having the upper hand. I guess it was time to put my money where my mouth was. The mysterious blade, broken after setting my head straight - if there was anything straight about this - I thought I’d run a reality check. The creature’s response did not help my reluctance to believe in his existence.
- Raziel.
- What are you?
- Soul reaver.
This was not going well. Perhaps I misinterpreted “soul reaver” as “soul reaper”, but what practical difference did that make? He obviously was no boy-scout. A few more minutes of awkward silence followed as I further surveyed him with the effects of my injury gone and, well, with nothing else to look at down there. It was different than any fantasy scenario I had known. I did not feel immediately threatened, nor the actual need to rid myself of him. There was a sense of space and imprisonment, of echo and muffle, all at the same time. Seeing the hole I fell in as nothing but a spec of light, it did not seem likely that anyone would hear me, though by now they would have missed me and hopefully began the whole search and rescue drill.
- Who are you?
It only made sense that I would have to provide my own share of answers.
- Thomas.
- How much time has passed since Kain’s death?
- Who is Kain?
My ignorance of this Kain person did not please him. However, he did not get angry, but worried instead. It was obvious that whoever Raziel and Kain were, they lived a long, very long time ago, and one of them died while the other lingered.
- What of Nosgoth?
- Who is Nosgoth?
My ignorance of Nosgoth seemed to terrify him even more.
- I do not really understand. I’m sorry I’ve never heard of those people you mention.
- Nosgoth is not a person! It is this land.
- As far as I know, this land was never called Nosgoth.
Every ignorant reply of mine seemed to strike a blow at him, and so did this one.
- Listen, my name is Raziel and I was born in Nosgoth...
So he told me who he was. Before any of us knew, he told me his whole story and how he ended up like this. Trying to keep track of names, places and events, I could not help but look beyond his appearance and feel for him. Whoever thinks life is unfair and feels betrayed, should listen to Raziel’s story and know they are lucky.

After all this time my patience was not wearing thin, it was gone altogether. I now wanted answers, and freedom. Apparently this Thomas person did not knowingly or willingly come to this place, but he still could help me fill in the time I lost. Little I knew of how much time I had really lost. Many of the words he spoke made no sense. Most of the things he talked about, I had never heard of, not even as rumors. I began to think he was a mere dreamer or madman, that like me he was a castaway, but unlike me he made up stories to suppress his loneliness. But who indeed can make up such detailed and well-founded stories, and so many of them... His gaze did not seem imbalanced either. Whether he was telling me the truth or not, I could not be sure of, but he certainly believed his own words. I also came to the conclusion that long speech may have an effect on me. I succumbed to the Elder God, and now I once again gave in and accepted the man’s stories. To actually believe him I would need proof... and proof - the first shred of it - I got. A small ornament, with the smoothest of surfaces, giving off a light that illuminated but did not burn! Phone he called it - another strange word for something completely strange, presented to me by a total stranger. So what if he told the truth... this was still of no use to me, nor could I see how it would help me.
- I wish to get out of here. I need to get out of here. If you want to make a pact for my release, I have nothing to offer... not at the moment.
- I have nothing to offer either. I could not possibly know how to help you get out. What sort of conduit could I provide for you?
Indeed! At last, this time his ignorance provided an answer. I had not the opportunity to realize, but there was more to the reason we could see each other. I felt slightly more confident as I approached him, and I could tell he felt the same. We could assume each other’s energies, but it could only work one way at a time. I would have to absorb him or he would have to claim my soul. Ironic that my only way of release was the action I imposed on others since my last “promotion”. He too sensed this... I expected nothing more than denial and disgust, yet this encounter did not have its fill of surprises.

Normally I do not make commitments. I should leave him down there and try to get myself out. After all, the rescue party did not take longer than a day to dig up the debris. Whoever this guy was, he could mean nothing but trouble for me. On the other hand, I never did anything in my life... and I so much wanted to do something daring and extraordinary. This desire manifested itself to resolution. I would do it. I, who never let anyone in, was about to do it for the first time, and literally no less!
- Come.
I stretched my hand out to him, and he accepted it. I felt a violent vertigo, a blinding light flashed before my eyes, I could hear nothing - even if there would be anything to hear - and then I just felt normal again. One by one, though, changes began to take place. I could see my surroundings, not as if they were lit, not as through night-vision goggles, but simply to see them in their darkness. The cave, the tomb, even the chasm I fell through, covered in rocks as it was. Him however, I could not sense. It was as if he silenced. Five more people had died during the quake in that tunnel, and they called me lucky not being number six. Having a certain knack for articulate lies, I had prepared every negative response possible to lead them away from the possibility of anything existing down there. One undead encounter was enough for the day, and there was no guarantee that other people would respond to a similar situation with my amount of composure. When I finally got a clean bill from the hospital and went home, I realized that in all the fuss I had forgotten about Raziel. I tried to feel him, but nothing indicated he was even present. My new ability to see in the dark was also slowly fading, so I just assumed that whatever he and I hoped to accomplish, had failed. No sooner than a year later, something was bound to remind me that what I had experienced was more than a memory. I was leaving work, taking my usual walk to the metro station, when I found myself in another fix, one which would not make the news, but prove much more damaging. A gang surprised me out of a dark corner and “asked” for my possessions. After the initial surprise I felt neither afraid nor composed... only enraged. And then I gave way to someone else!

I felt the closest bond between me and him, and then I found myself in a place I could only call home. And then, I immediately fell into slumber. My already tormented soul could not withstand another transition without a certain amount of fatigue. One year I required before I could even begin to realize myself again. But a year in unconscious hospitality was a good deal compared to millennia in conscious solitude. I think it was not I nor him who were responsible for my awakening, but rather an all too familiar feeling - another one I had neglected to nourish: rage! They say a feeling like that can bring you to life, which was proven correct in my case. Oh, how many times had I found myself in life-threatening situations based on no reason - only on the instinctive violence of human beings with little will of their own and certainly with no purpose in life. At this defining moment we achieved the closest of bonds! The primal feeling of rage awakened me and fueled both our souls. Without further thought of how to do it, I assumed control of his body - or so I tried. Control was embedded in every fiber of his soul, and losing it would be impossible for him. However, he let me do what I had to do by releasing some control over to me... Two enraged souls together would even make Kain back away, let alone those human wretches. He could see the effects of this “alliance” and so could they. His eyes glowed like mine, and his hands hardened enough for me to rip our attackers apart. His agility I was also able to improve to an impressive - above human - level. We both had a pretty clear idea of what we wanted to do, but just as we dodged their knife hacks and smashed them to the walls, one by one, we sensed fear. Someone was watching, afraid, so much more than these pathetic thieves. It was a priest who when we looked upon, ran away stumbling. The law was not so swift in these times, but they finally arrived in the sweet time we took to finish our “job”. No mugger was dead, but all of them had suffered grave wounds, too unusual for only one unarmed man to strike. A vision of new weapons shown to me by Thomas, suggested that we could only die, unless we surrendered. He did not like this anymore than I did, but he was not willing to go in vain, and I was not willing to give up my new home.

I felt like a tragic figure. Having starred in Twilight Zone, I was now about to move to the set of Law & Order. But it was a different scenario that truly awaited to shape my future. Everything happened as it should. The undead creature inside me, awakened by the smell of evil I yearned to do, stepped in to “help”. I do not make a habit of hypocrisy, therefore I must admit that he did not force me to do anything. No shifting blame. And no thinking... just wanting. Wanted to get them out of my way - out of everyone’s way - Raziel and I would have gone all the way. Thankfully we were interrupted. Sitting at the police precinct, I knew this was going to be either self defense or a very odd court case. It turned out to be neither. One I thought was merely a witness - a fearful rat - proved to be more trouble than I initially believed. The priest who saw the entire event had come to bail me out, along with a high-ranking friend of his from the Church. Apparently he saw something his bosses would like, and made sure they got their hands on it first. Just wanted to talk to me, he said of course, although he knew I did not buy this. Being a master of lies myself, I have an eye to distinguish how good one is at these things. Raziel, having being fooled too many times himself, probably had also developed this ability. Our trip to the cathedral was not as cryptic as I imagined it would be. We drove in a medium-class sedan car and made ourselves comfortable in an office at the back of the church. The conversation started innocently and slowly enough, expressing their interest in what happened and assuring me that they didn’t want anything bad to happen to me.

Indeed! They only wanted something bad to happen to me... All this change in all this time, and yet religious fanatism still remained. The Sarafan were all gone of course, but the ancient art of witch-hunting lived on. These ones knew not what I was, but they saw enough to qualify me as their next prize. For all his perception, Thomas thought it was merely fatigue that caused him to doze off, but I could feel him slip away. And I also noticed the peculiar smoke which filled the room. He was not dying, but rather suspended... on purpose! Then, for the first time, his body was mine to have. Had I not assumed control, he would have fallen to the floor, helpless. I was the host now. The priests focused their eyes on me, and I knew then that the undead glow in my new companion’s eyes had once again given away my presence.
- So, he is possessed! But this is unlike anything we have previously encountered. No uncontrolled violence, no recklessness...
- And no folly, nor deathwish! Unlike the sorts of you!
My response surprised them more than anything. Apparently, the creatures they were used to dealing with, were less sentient. Mere troublemakers.
- No distorted voice as well... beautiful even.
For all their surprise and fear, quick was their return to senses and resumption of my judgment.
- Speak your name.
They said this as if it would kill me to do so. I had spoken my name many times, and none of them was fatal.
- Raziel. Soul Reaver.
I did not take pride in that last part, but I said it ominously in order to intimidate them. Then in an unexpected move, they threw a vial of water on me, as if it would burn me. But that had already transpired once, long ago. The effect of this water was different. It awakened Thomas and we once again were able to think and act in unison. This awakening resulted in a sudden and uncontrolled jest as we jumped back, dropped the unlocked door open, and landed in the main cathedral. I can safely assume this was not their intention. Past midnight now, not another soul was in the temple... or I would have sensed it! Following us, they started a chant in Latin, boldly spoken as if it had the ability to shield them from me. Even Moebius, for all the magic he could command, knew that there was no substitute for a faithful blow with a blade or spear in the heart. Was I so fortunate as to save myself the trouble of an actual fight this time? Did these ones believe they could simply pray me away? Or could they? I felt like I was losing my grasp on the physical realm, like I was to be cast out once more. But the Soul Reaver had formed a bond between Thomas and myself that could not be broken so easily. For the first time in... forever, I felt the absence of betrayal. He did not seek to rid himself of my own after having used me in his scheme. It would not have been surprising if he did... everyone else has. Yet his intentions were honorable. Knowing this would bring him nothing but trouble, he pulled me back in and kept me with him. Not through fear of me hurting his soul, not through guilt of appearing cowardly, but because he felt it was only right. And for a moment I thought I was given a steadfast chance in life. But only for a moment. His action would not be allowed without consequence. I now felt that our bound souls were beginning to merge into one. And when that happened, would the priests let me go in order to spare him? Alas, the blind passion in their fanatic eyes would not allow such an ending. They would cast both of us to the spectral realm, without certain hope for return. And what would that accomplish? Apparently my momentary chance in life had been recalled, and Thomas was now also put to the test alongside me, soon to pay for his faith in me. Then it suddenly struck me! Where there is a temple, there is a cemetery. Out of Kain’s tomb now, I could find all the conduits I would ever need. After a year in spiritual slumber, my soul should be strong enough to survive both realms, spectral and material. I decided to give them what they wanted.

I honored my offer to the end. It was he who chose to release himself from it. I had my own soul in my own body, but if he left would he be able to survive? The blade in that tomb bound us together, and I cannot believe this was without a reason. As the senseless exorcism went on, I could feel Raziel’s soul less and less. Yet I knew it was not the priests who succeeded, but Raziel who decided to take matters in his own hands, for he went too peacefully. As he finally left me, I fell on the floor and felt as tired as if I had just completed a marathon race. I could still see him, and I could see something else. I’m not sure if this was part of the exorcism, since the priests did not seem to perceive it. I soon realized they were too bent on the process that they barely noticed anything that was going on. Whether they saw it or not, their “mission” was all that mattered right now. In the center of the church there was a circle of bright white light. I thought the exorcism was actually working and Raziel would be gone forever. I was wrong... and I was right. This time, for the first time, exorcism worked to the benefit of everyone.

As I unbound my soul from his, I expected to find myself in the spectral realm, as was always the case when I was without a body, but not this time! In the center of the temple I saw something that looked like a conduit, but felt so very different from all the others I had used. As if I no longer had the choice to wander between the spectral and material realms, it beckoned me... it called my name... it was pulling me in! I never found out if I had the ability to resist it, because I never tried to... I did not want to. I stepped in and tried to materialize myself. And then I realized what was supposed to happen. I was given a last chance to end my torment in my own wheel of un-life and un-death. Home...?

Not grotesque. Not ragged. Not in pain. There I beheld him for the first time, articulate, tall and proud. Wearing the garments and emblems of his order. Just the way he was supposed to be, until they meddled with his body and soul. He, who had suffered more than anyone should, was now given a last chance to lead the only life that remained for him. The only life he longed for and deserved - afterlife! We said our last farewell as he ascended. Not in spoken words but through a new spiritual bond formed for us, just for this moment. Not by some freak who had usurped the name of Elder God, but by the one true Eldest God himself. He ascended, all right... I doubt the priests ever realized what really happened. After making sure I was “clean”, they let me go. However, through this experience not only our souls were bound, but our wisdom as well. We all come full circle. Everything and everyone changes. Those universal truths, we now both knew! Raziel had gone through too many changes, and indeed came full circle in the end. As for myself, change had crept up and surprised me. I had only to accept it and let it carry me full circle to the end of my days.